Just a girl...expecting

I'm just a girl who has learned a lot about herself in the past several years. One somewhat surprising discovery was that I wanted to be a mom. I can remember as a kid thinking I would someday have kids, but somewhere along the way I had buried that so far down that I didn't know it still existed. Brendon and I were enjoying the carefree life of marrieds with no kids. It was really great. :) And then God unburied my hidden desire. The road to motherhood has been very bumpy and I have fallen a few times, but God didn't put me on a journey He hasn't prepared me to handle. He gave me the most amazing husband, family, and friends who let me stay there a minute and get my bearings and then encouraged me to get back up. He gave me the strength to pull myself back up and His Word to stand on when I finally found my feet beneath me. You see, when you go through tough times, no one can pull you up but you. It's a choice you make to stay on the ground and wallow in defeat, or stand up and continue on the path God has placed you on. Those bumps were two miscarriages that taught me more about myself and others than anything I have ever been though.  I learned how to be vulnerable and that it's not a weakness, but a strength. I learned to give people a break because you never know what battles they are facing that you don't see and they may not have found the strength to talk about. I learned that the loneliest experience of a woman's life is the loss of a child. It's so painful that you don't want to tell people, but at the same time you want to talk with someone who understands the pain...but no one really does. Not because women aren't having them, but because no two experiences are the same. I learned that God's Word is true and He will never leave us alone in our struggles. His Presence was there every second of every day. He didn't say much, but listened and let me cry on His shoulder. I learned that strength isn't in having it all together, but in the ability to adapt to the crashing waves of life and learn to ride the storm instead of letting it overtake and drown you. I learned that God really is my rock and I don't know how people get through these kinds of life experiences without Him. This is not the path I would have chosen for myself, but I wouldn't trade the two little lives that I carried and the life lessons they taught me for anything in the world. I am different...better.

Britt

P.S. I wrote this one, I think, shortly after I found out I was pregnant with Milla, but I wasn't quite ready to share yet.

Grateful

Today marks the halfway point of my pregnancy with my sweet baby girl. While I sit here feeling her little kicks, I am profoundly grateful to be her mom and to have been able to carry her each and every day of this 20 weeks. God has taken me on a journey and it has proved to be the most challenging one yet. Baby girl had two siblings before her that never made it to 12 weeks. I know miscarriages are common, but for each mom, and with each miscarriage, the experience feels devastatingly hopeless and lonely. It doesn't matter how big your support system is, you are the only one that lost the baby and the dream you carried. I am so thankful for my support system and especially for my husband, but this was a process that I had to work through on my own...with the Father. He had some lessons to teach me. Not that I wouldn't have been a good mom before I lost a baby, but I can definitely say I'll be a better mom after losing two. It's one thing to say you trust Him, but it's a whole other ball game to put your money where your mouth is, and actually TRUST Him. I can honestly say that I have worried very little during this pregnancy. I gave her to Him before she was ever conceived and whatever the outcome is His will and He will be there to comfort me or help me raise her. In learning to trust Him in this, it has robbed the devil of the ability to steal my joy in the journey of pregnancy. I will plan and dream for the future without fear of losing it. I can't say the same for my second pregnancy. I worried everyday that I would miscarry until the day it happened. I have an autoimmune disorder that makes it difficult for me to carry babies and requires me to take a shot everyday during my pregnancy. Other than me taking that shot and putting my trust in the One who holds me and my girl, I can't change a thing about how this works out, so why worry. Jeremiah 29:11 has been my favorite scripture for years now, but believing the words while in the midst of the storm, takes trust. If I believe that God has plans for me, then I believe that what I am going through did not catch Him by surprise, but it's part of the plan for me and my babies. If I then believe that those plans are to prosper me and not to harm me, then everything that I'm going through has a purpose and through it I will have hope and a future. He is working ALL things together for my good. I also learned how to be vulnerable and be ok with that. That's always been hard for me. The truth I found out about myself is that I need others, just like everyone else. I needed to be able to verbalize my grief and ask for prayers. I am so grateful for each and every one of the prayers prayed for me and for each and every person that lifted up those prayers. Our loss opened up a deeper level of communication between Brendon and I and our marriage is stronger for it. He is gonna be the best dad and I can't wait to watch it unfold. These lessons were not learned without MANY tears and MANY cries to God to change my circumstances and lessen my pain. He heard every cry and He wiped every tear, but He knew if I could lean on Him and let Him speak to my heart even when it felt like it was in too many pieces to ever be whole again, I would come through a deeper and better me than before. He, like all good fathers, grieves with their child in hard times, but knows that He has to allow us to remain in our circumstances sometimes to learn what we need to navigate life. He doesn't always rescue us, but He will always hold us, love us, and encourage us through it, if we will just invite Him in it. He is a God of the process. It's the process that brings lasting change. I'm grateful for my two babies that are with Him today and I look forward to the day I get to hold them in my arms. Until then, I will hold them in my heart and remember what I learned from my time with them. It's amazing to learn how many women have had miscarriages and it's just such a personal matter to discuss that most women don't. I get that. For me though, it's part of my story. As painful as it was to get through, God used it to get me here, and he can use it to help others. I look forward to the next 20 weeks, and getting to meet my little miracle...my Milla. I love her so much already. I truly am enjoying this journey.

Britt

Pray beyond the promise...

Pray beyond the promise...
These are the words God spoke to me last night after an awesome night of worship and word at #covconf2014. Have you ever prayed for something and even after God has given you the answer/promise, you keep praying about that same thing? When God speaks a promise, it's done. The End. It may take a while for it to manifest, but God didn't change his mind just because we don't see it with our eyes and hear it with our ears...yet. He has set the wheels in motion and it WILL happen. Remember that every word you speak is heard by the enemy and he is plotting his plan of attack based on our words. Don't think for a moment he steps out of the room while you pray. He is hanging on every word. He wants to know the state of your faith. How you pray is important. Our words are our warfare. Choose them wisely. So, stop praying like you don't believe God will do what He said, and start praying for what's next.

Looks like we made it...to 5

I'm just a girl who walked down the isle and married the boy of her dreams, 5 years ago today. I married the most amazing guy...my best friend, Brendon Scott Sales. 11 years ago when he took me on our 1st date for my 21st birthday, I knew. We've pretty much been inseparable ever since. I feel a little lost when he's not with me. Not because he completes me or anything ridiculously sappy like that, but because he's the one I want to share the funny story with, or make the totally inappropriate comment to, or tell him how amazing the food was that I just ate, or just to lean my head over on his shoulder and say I love you...cause I do. We've had a few snafus along the way, but I don't think we've had it as hard as most couples. I guess I have 6 years of dating to thank for that! We knew each other pretty darn well before saying I do. However, dating, at least in our case, did not equal living with. That's a whole different ball game! I'll be the first to admit that I can be a "bit" difficult at times. I think he would disagree...with my using the word "bit"! ;) He never ceases to be able to make me laugh, even when I'm trying my hardest to be mad. It's one of the things I love so much about him. We disagree on quite a few topics and I hate to admit, but when I stop being stubborn and actually consider his point of view, sometimes he's smarter than I am. He challenges me and makes me defend what I believe. He's made me a stronger person and Christian. He's constantly reminding me that there's a flip side to every coin. I have never regretted one single moment or considered for a second that he wasn't the one. I KNOW God brought us together and he is using us to better each other. "Iron sharpens iron." I hope to spend the next 60+ years making each other laugh, enjoying the finest foods the culinary world has to offer, cause we LOVE to eat, and then running our hineys off cause we enjoyed the food too much, and because we enjoy our runs together, watching grown boys beat the snot out of each other as MMA has become our favorite sport, enjoying a week here and there sharing in the joys of being the greatest aunt and uncle in the world, HANDS DOWN!!, and the greater joy of sitting on the couch together and enjoying the silence after we've given them back, and this for sure...loving each other more than we did the day before. "I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend, I'm lucky to have been where we have been..." - Jason Mraz
Thank you, Brendon, for 5 amazing years of marriage and for loving me.

Lessons Learned

I'm just a girl who never wants to forget. As I have spent a lot of the day today, processing the events of the last 6 days, I am filled with a longing to keep the memories alive. I am sad in a way, but more grateful for all the time I spent with the wonderful man whose life we have celebrated over the last 6 days. I had the privilege of spending several summers with he and Mammy and learned so much from both of them. Pawpaw and I shared a lot of time together. A lot of which was in silence, or to the sound of the gravel under the tires of his Ford as we drove down the country roads with the windows down. We just enjoyed doing things together...no words necessary. He taught me how to raise cattle and then buy and sell them at the auction, grow a garden, fix a trailer, drink straight from the water well, eat a freshly picked watermelon,  and to really just enjoy the simple things in life. He taught me the importance of reading the Bible and going to church. He taught me to be slow to anger, as I never remember seeing him angry. He taught me that if you don't have something nice to say, don't speak. I never heard him speak an unkind word against anyone. I heard quite a few people say this week that he was a man with no enemies and everyone who met him loved him. I hope that the same can be said of me. He shared God's love and message with all who would open their hearts and listen. Never forceful, but always willing. He always had a song in his heart and you could either find him picking at his guitar or various other instruments or whistling a tune. Such a peaceful and loving soul and I am so proud and honored to have known and loved him as my Pawpaw. I will NEVER forget and until we meet again, will keep the song going. It may have a little different sound (he loved his southern gospel :), but the source is the same...Love.

Making the Most of It

I'm just a girl who wants to learn to make the most out of the life I've been blessed with. I was thinking about the saying that God will never give us more than we can handle and I've always thought of that in terms of difficult circumstances in life, but what if that applies to the good things as well? What if He is waiting to see how I do with what I have before He gives me more? Am I being a good steward with what He has blessed me with? If I'm not, then why would He give me more? Obviously, I'm not ready to handle it. Just like the parable of the talents in Matthew 25. The 2 servants managed the money they were given and doubled it, while the other servant hid his and the master took it away from him. "Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things." Matthew 25:23   I want to prove myself faithful with my Masters blessings. Not just with my finances, but in all areas of my life. I want to say with confidence, "Lord, you can trust me!"

Friendly Fire

I'm just a girl who wants to remember that I married and live with my best friend. It really hurts my feelings when Brendon tells me I'm not nice or that I'm negative. I think what bothers me the most is that it makes me examine myself only to find that he's right. I hate it when he's right! I don't know why I treat my other friends and even mere acquaintances so nice and friendly and then treat my best friend, the person who means the most in the world to me, at times like an enemy. It's not purposeful of course, but I allow my feelings to set the atmosphere instead of being intentional in my actions. I want to reign over my emotions instead of letting them control me. I want a home that is full of happiness and peace instead of complaining and negativity. I want our home to be a place that we both look forward to coming home to and spending quality time together. I think a sign of maturity is learning that you shouldn't always do what you feel, but instead, acting out what you want to feel. Fake it 'til you make it! Our emotions change like the wind and shouldn't dictate our actions. I think it's more important that I live out my Christian walk and show His love in my home than anywhere else or I'm just a hypocrite. God sent me this amazing guy who loves me and takes care of me and I want him to feel as loved as he makes me feel. In conclusion, I'm just a girl who wants to eat good and I have to keep the hubby happy 'cause he does the cookin'! ;-) I LOVE you Brendon Scott Sales!